what i've been learning...

i feel as though the more i am broken down, the more i learn.

thursday was such a hard day for me. i saw one of my kids get hurt and i just broke down and cried. i guess what i didnt realize is how i was being taught in the midst of that hurt. i have known for a long time that i love working with kids, especially my kids that i have been working with for years, but last night i learned again, and for the first time, what that love is really like.

tonite i received an email from another one of my kids, and i couldnt stop the tears from streaming down my face. this time there wasn't hurt, but encouragement. in reading it i realized how loved i am, and how awesome (in the truest sense of the word) my relationships with these kids are. i feel so supported and cared for, and for the first time in a long time i feel this sense of confirmation - that i am exactly where i need to be right now.

it was tough going to work this morning. tough going back to a place where so often i feel like i'm struggling. tough going in knowing that i had so much i needed to share with my boss about my plans and the events of the last day. tough when i felt so drained and so helpless. i am so thankful, however, that in my weakness i am learning obedience. God was so faithful through it all. He gave me hope when i was unsure, and strength when i was so weak. my issues? they're resolved. all it really ever required was faith, but brokenness was a prerequisite.

i guess that's what i've been learning...


all i can say - david crowder band

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cryin?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
that's my everything

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cryin too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet